Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
