I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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