FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize