90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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