Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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