can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
