My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
