Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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