we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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