I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
