it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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