i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize