Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
