Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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