Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
