there was a trapeze. enough said
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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