I cockslap morals
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
