Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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