I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
