Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
