I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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