people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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