I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
