We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We got so high we made milksteak
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize