I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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