Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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