I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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