Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
