God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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