I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize