did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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