I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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