Don't make out with my wife yet
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
