Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
