theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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