Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
