Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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