i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
