absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
