I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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