dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
