She's JV to your varsity
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
zippers are such a cool invention
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
