Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
