foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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