her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
