my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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