You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
