I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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