So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i love accidental penises.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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