do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
