I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
