the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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