Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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