She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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