margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
