I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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