How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
