We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
