break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
