I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
