party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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