the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
