Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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