She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize