Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
