You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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