Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
