I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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