I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
