There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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