I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize