You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
