mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
