You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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