We won't sleep together?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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