I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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