the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
