Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
