I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
