I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
