It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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