Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I want to be your penis for a week.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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