I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I understand Curling. That high.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
