Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
