oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
