laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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