If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
