Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
