its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
