Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
