I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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