Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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