Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize