I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
