just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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