Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
