Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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