Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
