According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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